Last night I received a text from one of my best friends. She was at the emergency room with her Mom. Her Mom was having some health complications and was worried she would not get the care she needed, due to her specific insurance policies. I began to pray for her Mom and my friend. It's never easy watching your parents grow older. My friend lost her Dad several years ago. I can only imagine one never truly gets over that. You become forced to deal with the reality of loss. I can only assume it does not make it any easier though time comes and goes. I understand sometimes illness and disease happens at any age and that each passing day is a true blessing. It's just that I have been thinking a lot lately about how fast time keeps moving. It always happens to me around this time of year because my first born is about to have another birthday. This one she will reach double digits, a decade! It has me in deep thought and emotion about how fast this train really goes.
Naturally, I have been listening to a certain John Mayer song a lot lately. Anyone who even remotely knows me knows that he is my inspiration, musically. So it is no surprise I was listening to him. However, lately I can not get enough of his song, Stop This Train. Like many of his other songs, it gets me thinking about life and the real emotions and circumstances we face. I connected so much with his verse, "so scared of getting older, I am only good at being young. So I play the numbers game to find a way to say life has just begun." I always talk about how I am never getting old and I will always be sassy and vibrant. I play the numbers game in my head often, telling myself, I am in a wonderful position to start my life's passion and dream! I am only 36% done and with 64% of my life ahead there HAS to be plenty of time to accomplish my life's passion! I am determined to make it to 100! I have always had a dream in my heart to have the world connect with my voice and the songs I write. John Mayer has accomplished what I hope to. His words & thought process are very much familiar to my own. With that being said and my friends situation being heavy on my heart, I listened to this song over and over today. It brought up so much emotion, raw and real emotion as I listened and reflected on everything happening in my life and friends life now.
I took my kids to lunch and to purchase some sports equipment they needed. We went to lunch at their favorite buffet style restaurant. When we approached the door there were several senior citizens, all of which I would say were no younger than 70. They were waiting by the door and I would estimate about 20 of them in all. They waved us by and I assumed they were waiting for more friends. When the waiter was taking our drink orders he began to tell them it was 1:00 and at 1:00 you could receive the Senior discount! It was adorable how they all began heading for the register as they spoke loudly to each other explaining it was time. :) I love elderly people and have respect for anyone who has been on this train for 60 plus years! I can imagine you have a wisdom and a tolerance that I will not see for some time to come at their ages. I watched them slowly get around and fill their plates with fried chicken, pasta, and desserts. I watched husbands pull out chairs for their wives, take them by the elbows and walk them to the plates. I watched the wives tell their husbands to use the hand sanitizer before eating. All of them looking out for each other with each others best interest in mind. I watched some pray before a meal which touched my heart. I watched some without spouses but they were still surrounded by their friends. I watched them struggle to get up from their chairs to fetch a second plate. I watched them shake and move very slowly as if they were using every ounce of energy to lift their forks to mouth. I also watched them smile and talk to one another with warm eyes and joyful voices over coffee. It got me thinking that someday that will be me! Hopefully, I will be able to be so blessed! I was inspired that they still enjoyed fried food, desserts, conversation, friendship, & life! Not that they shouldn't. It just seems sometimes the older we get the more limitations are usually put on us. It typically involves giving up the things that we enjoy most. I watch my parents try to avoid foods, activity and pleasures they once enjoyed all because they are aging. I was inspired that even though it was not as easy to get out or around they were out doing it. They were not trying to stop the train, they were enjoying the ride!
I watched my kids enjoy their ice cream and cotton candy with smiles and I felt overcome with joy and appreciation that we are in the shape and health we are in. We are still young and I do not take that for granted even though at times I get caught up in how fast time flies. I can still get up and down without aches and my kids are still at an age where we can enjoy so much together. They are growing so fast and I often say I wish I could freeze time. Although, there is a bittersweet reality that comes along with the train ride. The moments experienced while being young are just as priceless as the moments reaching milestones and building memories with each passing year. We can't stop the train but we can appreciate the ride and choose not to miss a thing!!
Honestly, I find myself often thinking about the fact that I am already 36 and how did I get here so fast?? I have done so much but there is so much more I want to do. I am not exactly close to where I thought I would be......yet! I also have abundant blessings that I choose to appreciate. I think about how my parents are getting older and my friends parents are getting older. I think about how some of my friends have already lost parents and family due to age. It is something we can't avoid. I believe I spend more time thinking of this topic than I did in years past. All in all there are times when I want to stop it and go back and start again. There are times I would not want to stop it for anything. However, when I really contemplate I come to the conclusion that it is happening, and I have to come to terms with it. It's OK to spend time thinking about it and it does not mean I don't appreciate the here and now. If anything, reflecting on how fast it goes causes a deeper appreciation for life in the present. The train we are on keeps moving, like it or not. Some days it moves in wonderful directions and others you just want to stop the ride and put it in reverse. Some days we find it easy to swallow that we are the age we are, other days it is down right depressing! It's life and our emotions are how we see and feel it at the time.
I am choosing to enjoy the ride! Age, time and the speed of this train is going faster and faster for me, it's a fact. However, I am pretty sure that those beautiful senior citizens I watched today would trade tracks with me if they could. I am choosing to be thankful for the ride I am on and to not for one second change the speed it's moving in!
I have attached a link to a beautiful video someone made using John Mayer's classic, Stop This Train! ~Enjoy
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